“ ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” (Eph. 6:2-3)
This verse in Ephesians follows the familiar command, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord,” and as A.W. Pink writes in Chapter 3 of The Seven Sayings of the Saviour on the Cross,
“It is too often assumed that this fifth commandment is addressed to young folks only. Nothing can be further from the truth.” (p. 59)
I realize that I have definitely made this unconscious assumption – that obedience and honoring were more or less synonymous, and that the command somehow becomes less forceful as I move further into adulthood. Pink aggressively counters this assumption:
“The conclusion that this commandment loses force when childhood is left behind is to miss at least half of its deep significance. As intimated, the word ‘honor’ looks beyond obedience, though that is its first import. In the course of time, the children grow to manhood and womanhood, which is the age of full personal responsibility, the age when they are no longer beneath the control of their parents, yet has not their obligations to them ceased. They owe their parents a debt that they can never fully discharge. The very least they can do is to hold their parents in high esteem, to put them in the place of superiority, to reverence them.” (p. 59)
Over the last few years, I have been blessed to watch as my parents have used their own example to display the true extent of the command, “Honor your father and mother.” Here are two brief summaries of their stories.
Seven years ago, my Dad’s father abruptly terminated him from a job into which my Dad had poured time and emotion, sending my Mom into depression, uprooting them from their home, church and close friends. Dad had to find a new job, a new place to live, a new way to provide for his family. God’s grace was at work in Dad’s heart, though, and over time he worked to keep a broken relationship open, taking his days off from work to drive 4 hours to see his father and talk with him, often about the Gospel.
Three years ago my grandfather was diagnosed with a degenerative heart disorder as well as Alzheimers; he has grown steadily weaker, and lives now as a resident of the nursing home which he owns. My Dad continues to make 4-hour drives to see his father, to eat lunch with him, to talk with him for a few minutes. Of three brothers, my Dad is the only one whose care and compassion for his father show through in their visits. Grand-dad often doesn’t recognize his own sons much anymore, but for some reason when Dad is there he perks up and is a little more himself.
Dad doesn’t have to take his days off to drive 8 or 9 hours round trip, and visit the very nursing home where his father showed him none of the honor that he had earned through years of faithful service. But he does it joyfully, and in his visits he shows something unusual to everyone who sees him. HE HONORS HIS FATHER, through the grace of God working in him.
Thirty-two years ago, my newly-divorced grandmother (Nonna) moved in with her daughter, my Mother. She and Dad could not have known the impact that would have on our family and their marriage. We have many, many wonderful memories of my Nonna, but there were hard times too. My parents’ marriage suffered incredible strain as time went on; sometimes that strain was caused by my grandmother’s conscious, deliberate sin.
Dad and Mom didn’t have to care for Nonna as well as they did, for as many years as they did. As she required more and more attention, they could easily have found a place for her where other people would have provided for Nonna’s physical needs. But they both, especially Mom, desperately wanted Nonna to stay at home with them, because something would have been missing anywhere else. No caregiver, however well-trained, no matter how good their intentions, would have HONORED Nonna as her daughter did.
In the last couple years, Nonna’s physical and mental abilities degraded little by little, forcing my Mom to do more and more for her. For the last couple months, my Mom was taking care of all her mother’s physical needs, and supporting her spiritually as well.
Five weeks ago my grandmother, who did love her Lord Jesus Christ with all her heart, went home to be with Him. She was at home, in her bed, my Mom and Dad by her side. They were singing hymns to her, reading the Scripture to her, encouraging her as she faced her final battle. Mom and Dad HONORED THEIR MOTHER to the very last instant of her life here on earth, and beyond. Nonna’s homegoing celebration (as we called the funeral service) was exactly as she had wanted – everything was designed to worship the God she loved and to HONOR her desires for those she left behind.
My words are totally inadequate to convey my respect and gratefulness for the way my parents, grandparents six times over, have lived out a deep honor toward their own parents. Over the last few years especially, it seems as though God has turned a magnifying glass on them for me, amplifying their actions and attitudes, demonstrating that they are still fervently obeying the command, “honor your father and mother.”
Dad and Mom, I pray that God will honor your service to Him and your parents, and that it will indeed “go well with you, and that you may live long in the land.” I look forward to the opportunities I will have, small and large, to make up for many lost years and honor my father and mother as well. By the grace of Christ working in you, your lives have set the standard high.